I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
