I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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