Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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