And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize