btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
