I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
