she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
