I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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