Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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