please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
