dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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