Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
