Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
