last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
