I hate all girls vehemently.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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