The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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