let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
