We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
