whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
