Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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