I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
too bad you live with your parents still
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
