Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
