I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
