Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
