You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
there is puke in my bra ... again
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