but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
