My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize