you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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