she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
