I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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