So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
