i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
