Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
