I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
