no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
