Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I FOUND THE LEGS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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