how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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