I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
