Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
