The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
