Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
