I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
