'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You are the jesus of drinking
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
