i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
