sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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