where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
3pm strippers are depressing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
