Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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