I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
