just tell him i said nine months
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
