I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
