where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I want a musical about memes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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