He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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