My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
