I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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