Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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