Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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