First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
