dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
