paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
