I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
