if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
