there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
